Prayers for my children...

As I was praying for my sleeping children tonight, I began to pray for their personality traits that often stand out to others as possibly "imperfections" or "downfalls." For instance, Madelyn turned 3 in September and still is not potty trained. I have tried every method suggested by friends and family and read about online only to have epic failures every time. She insists on wearing diapers and when asked if she's a "big girl" or "baby" she will proudly say "I'm a baby." My father-in-law start calling her "diaper girl" to get a reaction out of her and she now refers to herself in this way when she talks to him. She is often thought of as "STUBBORN." Tonight I began praying that God would mold that part of her and form that, if you will, "stubborness" into determination and perserverance. I'm hoping that one day her resistance to authority will flourish into resistance to temptation. We call Palmer our "gentle giant" because he is so large for his age, yet so gentle and tender hearted. We don't even have to as much as raise our voices at him, but only say sternly "Palmer" and as if his bottom lip wasn't already full enough, he sticks it out there even further and lowers his head in sorrow because he knows he's done wrong. I ADORE this about him, however I know that if he continues to be a sensitive guy, growing up he will get made fun of or get taken advantage of. Tonight I prayed that he would be able to keep his tender heart as he becomes a man and that his fear of me and Dave would transfer into a godly fear of the Lord and desire to always obey Him. Ever since I found out I was pregnant with both of my children, I have kept journals for each of them. The journals are gender neutral in appearance because I purchased them so early on. I have been recording my thoughts that I have towards them and write about special moments or milestones of theirs. Tonight as I closed up their journal entries, I just began weeping. My love for them is so deep and I often wish I could just freeze them just as they are, but then I know that they wouldn't be able to become the world changers that they are intended to be.

Revelations in Parenting

I love being a mother. Do my children stress me out from time to time? Yes. Do I have moments where I want to scream? You bet. Have I ever been anxiously awaiting Dave's arrival home from work just so I could escape as quickly as possible to a place as thrilling as the grocery store? Absolutely. Have I ever spent a whole car ride with tears of frustration soaking my shirt due to one of my child's meltdowns? Uh-huh, in fact 2 weeks ago!

It went something like this...

It was a crisp Autumn morning and the scheduled date of the MOPS group trip to the apple orchard. Last year, I only brought Madelyn because Palmer had just start forming in my womb. This year, I got to bring both of my kids - how exciting! I was looking forward to snapping pictures of my kids interacting with each other, picking and holding apples, sitting on the hay bales together, and riding the train, you know, making memories! Well, memories were definitely made that day, just not the kind I was expecting.

While on the hayride, Madelyn (2) was trying to stand up and walk around. I could not easily tame her because I was holding her 6 month and 22 lb. brother, a diaper bag, my purse, and camera bag (what? you've never seen a mom bring her whole house on a hayride before?). Luckily, there were other moms that were willing to help me out. As the tractor reached the rows of apples, Madelyn was determined to make a mad dash out to grab every rotten apple off the ground. I finally decided to just start snapping some pictures as she was completely ignoring me and walking away. I thought maybe I would get some that seemed artistic? I finally got her to try to pick an apple from a tree:

By this time, our tour guide was ready for us to be back on the tractor, so I attempted to load up. As I was trying to coax Madelyn into getting back onto the tractor, she wanted no part of it. Another mom helped me get her back on. Our final stop was where the train was. She rode the train and enjoyed it, but once the train ride was over it was a different ball game. We walked over to the petting zoo where she was running towards the pond and me saying things like "Madelyn, stop!" made no difference at all to her. I had to physically pick her up while she was dead weighting her body AND her brother was on the other hip AND our 3 bags were on one shoulder. Then she saw an area where there were rope swings, a slide, and tree house type structure. It was all over. There wasn't a threat I could make to get her to come down so that we could leave, in fact every time I would even talk to her it was as if I was completely invisible.

I finally prayed that God would protect her as I walked away to get our double stroller so that I could sit Palmer in it and put our bags on the handle in hopes of having two free arms to capture my daughter and strap her into the front seat of the stroller so that we could be on our merry way. I did manage to get Palmer and my bags in/onto the stroller, but when I went to strap Maddie into her seat do you know what happened? She start thrusting out her chest in resistance while screaming and crying until I had no more strength to hold her down and finally had to take a break. She then had a tantrum in the hay bales while the double stroller tipped backwards with my son in it because the combined weight of him and the bags without weight in the front seat was too much. It was the kind of experience where you just want to bury your head in the dirt while holding up a sign that reads "I really do know how to parent my children, I'm just having an off day." Once I got the stroller properly weighed down, I couldn't resist but snap a picture of Maddie's tantrum (you know, for memory sake).

Once I got the kids buckled into their car seats (20 minutes later! - I won't even go there), I got behind the driver's wheel of our van and while Maddie was having the grand finale of her tantrum and Palmer's hunger was rising, I began to cry and cry and cry.

How could my child do this to me? How could I be speaking so loudly and yet get treated like I don't even exist?

Then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I wonder if this is what God feels like when we, as His children completely ignore His voice and leading when He is clearly speaking to us, yet we are so absorbed in our own agendas that we miss what He's trying to say?

It's funny how God can use our relationships with our own children to teach us about our relationship with Him. On a lighter note, every time I see my two kids interact with each other in a way that is loving or affectionate it makes my heart smile. I also often wonder if that's how God feels when He sees us show love to one another. I have journals for both of my kids that I started as soon as I found out I was pregnant with each of them. I write prayers I have for them, thoughts I think towards them, and record things they do in them. My plan is to give them their journals when they get older so they will always know what kind of love I have for them. I was writing in Madelyn's journal tonight about how much I love her. I just began to cry (I do that a lot) because of how deeply I love her. I explained to her that she will never know what kind of love I have for her until she has a child of her own someday because that's what it took for me to realize how much my mother has always loved me. It's the same with God. I feel that I have a better glimpse of His love for me, knowing how I love my own children as a parent.

Overwhelmed With Gratitude

I just realized that it has been almost 1 year since my last entry...sure doesn't seem like that long ago. I suppose I have been a bit busy with my second pregnancy, trying to figure out how to mother two children, and still have time for each day's tasks. Regardless, I'm sitting here writing an entry with a smile on my face because, well, blogging makes me happy. Yesterday marked a very important day in my life (besides it being the 10th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, which I am in no way ignoring because I acknowledge the impact the event had on everyone and pray that we never forget about it). Yesterday, Dave and I got voted in as the Senior Pastors of Living Hope Church in Indianapolis, IN! This was an answer to one of our prayers that we have been praying about for over a year now. I am so overwhelmed with gratitude towards the people of LHC who are putting their confidence in us, but mostly unto God for opening up this door of opportunity for us.

It is so flooring to think that every event in ministry that we have experienced thus far, might just have been preparing us to pastor this church.

What if this is what we were created for? Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever asked yourself: What is the specific purpose of me being alive on this earth? Besides the obvious Christian responses like "to worship Him," "to tell others about Jesus," "to fulfill the great commission," What about more specifically? What could God be specifically preparing you for right now? Makes you think... Ok, enough deep? thoughts for the night. For those of you interested, our church's website is: www.LHCindy.com We're hoping to have it updated this Fall. Our first official Sunday on staff is Sunday, October 2, 2011. We are looking forward to what God has in store for both us and the Lawrence/Oaklandon community of Indianapolis!

Golden Opportunities

It is a beautiful Fall morning as I sit at the kitchen table peering out the window at the colorful leaves painting a canvas on the ground and what leaves are still left on the trees, fluttering with the breeze. I'm here in my pj's sipping some Starbucks and listening to my little girl walk around the house pushing her corn popper.

The Fall is much different here in Indiana than it was in New England. I miss it, however I know that this is a season God has brought us to - a season of rekindling. I am currently 20 weeks along with our second "bun" as I like to call them, and serving on staff as the "Preschool Administrator" at Grace A/G.

When I first took this position at Grace, I thought "I can do this! I've done all of this before!" However, I've never tried to schedule over 100 volunteers for 5 different classes in 15-18 services/month! Of course, this isn't the only thing I do in the office, however it is what involves the most thought and prayer.

For a while, I was trying to manage all of the scheduling myself, until one evening in a class I've been attending at church, we were talking about trying to do things on our own and how we can't do anything on our own - simple concept, yet often forgotten.

I had a dream the other night that I was at war - on the front lines with a rifle. The rifle was loaded, but I had no idea how to use it and as I stood there scared to death, I just started firing as much as possible until all of my ammo was gone. Every shot I fired went up in the air and back down - affecting nobody. I then realized that I was out of ammunition and ran and hid behind a trailer.

As I woke up from this dream, I realized that God was trying to teach me something through it. I'm not big into trying to interpret every dream as something "from the Lord," but I knew that this one was. This whole time, I have been trying to fight the battle before me in my own strength and ignoring the power that I possess through Christ Jesus. He has put strengths and giftings inside of me, that if I don't tap into, I will never be effective. It is completely rediculous as a Christian to try to attempt anything on our own (without prayer) and then run and hide when we can't handle it anymore. When we have the Creator of the Universe living inside of us, why do we walk around defeated?!

God has recently been challenging me in certain areas of my life and I'm excited to see what is going to come of it as I rise to His challenge. Dave and I have had the priviledge of being mentored by our senior pastor and his wife and are also benifiting greatly from that. We are trying to take advantage of this golden opportunity and learn all that we possibly can before our time here runs out and the season changes. I'm so looking forward to what God is going to do in that next season!

The Forgotten Word

Recently God has been dealing with my heart about some decisions I have to make for Him. Where do I start?...How about 2004?

Back in 2004, I was sitting in a church service at my home church in Indiana and there was a word spoken that was supposed to be directed at a specific female in the congregation, and although her name was never spoken I wrestled with the thought of the word being directed towards me, but I convinced myself that it was for someone much more mature in the Lord, possibly an older woman.

That same day, as I was putting away my parents laundry, my mother brought up the word that was spoken and asked if I thought it was for me. Of course tears welled up in my eyes as I froze in shock in my parents closet. I was so flooded with emotion that I don't even remember my response, I just knew that I didn't want my mom to see me because I have a rather expressive face.

Without revealing this "word" spoken, I contacted Global University and decided I should enroll in some classes. Little did I realize, that I was biting off more than I could chew at the time, as I was a full time college student. My books lay in the corner of my room just collecting dust and it wasn't before long that they were forgotten. That word was also forgotten.

I find it so odd that when God speaks to us, if we don't respond quickly, the passion and emotion we felt in that moment dies down. The voice we heard grows faint, until finally it becomes so far removed that we convince ourselves it never even existed.

This is what I have allowed to happen.

Two weeks ago, I was sitting in a church service here on Cape Cod and for a moment it was as if the Pastor wasn't even speaking because all I could hear was God reminding me of the forgotten word. It only took me 6 years to remember what was forgotten!

I am happy to announce to the blogging community that I contacted Global University to reactivate my classes and have officially began my first of hopefully many classes: Old Testament Survey. Feel free to ask me how these are coming, I'm sure the accountability wouldn't hurt. :)

Like Father, Like Daughter

Hi, my name is Daphne and

I'm a "do-it-all."

You may be wondering what that means. The definition for the label that I just made up would mean that I never ask for help and try to do everything myself.

I have often wondered why I am like this. The only conclusion I can come u with is that I feel as though I can't rely on people. I know what you may be thinking - "Wow this girl is arrogant!" I know for a fact I'm not the best at most things and if you truly know me, I mean TRULY, you will know that I am far from perfect.

I believe this has all stemmed from people letting me down. Too many times people have said they were going to do something and not followed through, therefore rather than depend upon more people (who could also potentially not follow through), I prefer to do it myself to ensure that the job gets done.

Another reason behind this could be because I favor my dad an awful lot. He is a workaholic who always has to be doing something and knows how to stretch a dollar. Whenever my dad tries to teach someone how to do something, he usually ends up doing it himself, which is unfortunately a trap I fall into as well.

Honestly, it never even crosses my mind to ask for help with things. This is probably because I'm so used to doing things all by myself. It is easy for this attitude to carry over into my spiritual life as well. My life is sort of like a soap opera and I have problems that I encounter every day. What do I do about these problems? I think about them all day long! I often don't even think about praying about certain issues because I convince myself that it is MY problem that I have to solve.

The Bible says we shouldn't be anxious about anything, but that we should pray about EVERYTHING. If only I could remember this! Recently, God has been revealing His power to me. God is bigger than every issue that arises.

Last summer, my car got broken into and the person took my wedding set and pearl earrings (it's a complicated story as to why those were in my glove compartment). Shortly after that, I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl and had to stay home with her each day in the same house that has the driveway that my car was parked in when my car got broken into. Many fears flooded my mind and I immediately started thinking of safety precautions that we should take just in case we had a repeat offender. I considered things like motion lights and an alarm system. I used to allow fear to overtake me to where I had a hard time sleeping at night, with thoughts of someone breaking into my house and harming my child.

I felt like God spoke to me and told me "Daphne, I'm bigger than an alarm system or motion lights." This is so true. God can offer more protection than even the highest security alarm system. I was reminded of this concept today as I was praying about another one of my daily issues. God is so much bigger than any measley problem we have. I am making a diligent attempt to truly "pray about everything" instead of trying to solve all of my own problems. Regardless of how many people let me down, I know that there is always going to be One who will never let me down and with Him

I don't have to be a "do-it-all."

Pet Peeves

Ok, so there are certain things that frustrate me to no end. I have decided to compile a list of the "TOP TEN THINGS THAT GET UNDER MY SKIN."

10. When people who know me misspell my name (this includes first AND last names).
9. When I'm in the grocery store and the whole entire aisle is vacant except for one person completely blocking the only section that I need a product from.
8. When people claim to be Christians but their lifestyles deny it.
7. When I clearly qualify to park in a "Customer with Infant" parking space and someone who is definitely ineligible zips into the space before me.
6. When I tell someone about a problem I'm having and then they tell me how they went through the same exact thing only 10x worse, as if my problem doesn't matter.
5. When wealthy people aren't generous.
4. When people don't clean up after themselves.
3. When people feel the need to be in constant competition with others.
2. When people make fun of my hands, feet, height, or call me an amazon woman.
1. People who think the universe revolves around them and do whatever they can to be the center of attention.

I feel better now... :)